Sep 20, 2010

another day in hell: i will stay at home forever.

the summer is coming to an end, and so might be my no-care-ever mood. i'm not able to ride my bike on a regular basis anymore, because it's getting pretty cold. that sucks, a lot! so i was actually afraid of not being able to be a happy charmer anymore, which would have been too bad, really. i did enjoy this, actually. ;)

i don't know where to start with and how to put this without sounding like a lame ass douchebag. i guess i'm gonna have to take the long road to explain this. some of you might have been reading my new year's eve post and i gotta tell you this: it goes on for my life in general. everything that's been annoying to me about new year's eve has become a constant in the social life of my generation. i guess that's old news right here, but i really didn't realize it as much as i did this year.

i've been barely leaving my apartment, if it wasn't for some real good friends or for riding my bike. i actually left it a lot for that, but oh well, haha. going out to a club, a party and even to shows or where ever everyone else in my age is hanging out at always made me feel like i'm in the wrong place. well, "always"...i guess i didn't do this more than just a very few times this year. still, you get the idea. most people just hang out and try to get drunk as fast as possible, because that's when the(ir) fun starts, right? and i guess they don't know what to do with themselves without that. anyways, as a non-drinker, you just sit there and just feel nothing at all. it's pointless. it's like hanging out with a bunch of narrow-minded retards mostly, hahaha. sorry, dudes. ;)

it's the same with shows, unfortunately. i went to a very few shows and mostly didn't feel at home at all anymore. and how could i? it's just been like a fucking freight train of hypes recently, it all changes so quickly...quicker than ever before. a new sound, a new image, new clothes and symbols, new kids...i'm too tired for this. and it makes it hard to identify with that scene, because it's different and seems worse every time you look at it. the best place to listen to music to seems to be at home, haha. now that sounds so bad, but what can i say? it really is, somehow. on the other hand, you try and go to special shows every now and then and it's different. the hype is not everywhere you go, there are loopholes. i try and sneak through those every chance i get. but those chances are rare.

so, if all that stuff is becoming less and less attractive to you, you really gotta find something for yourself to do, right? you can have some quality time by your own...believe me, i know, haha! it's just a matter of balance and independence. i said it once and i'm gonna say it again: don't try and look for satisfaction in someone else, try it with yourself first. because that's something you can always get back to. it does make things easier, even if it makes you a lonewolf mostly. but that doesn't matter really, as long as you're not feeling lonely. i don't even need company all the time, i'm able to keep myself busy with stuff.

so look, i went cycling like a mad man this year and now that the cycling season is over i started running. and i enjoy it, who could have thought?! on a sidenote, i've been losing about 55 pounds of weight, and that really keeps you up and busy. basically, music and sports is all the fuel my engine needs at the moment. and everything else has to wait and progress on its own, i guess. i'm gonna sit here and watch it all go down the downward spiral, hahaha! and i'm still gonna be pleased with life, because it works without the bullshit out there.

pretty pathetic, huh? ;)

Sep 6, 2010

new WFAHM song... the upcoming album "MMX". the song is called "insomnia" and you can stream it right here:


Aug 31, 2010

just a little heads up...

...i'm in no care ever-mode, because it's summer. i'm too lazy to rant. out of sheer ignorance and the typical amount of resignation, there's barely anything that annoys me enough to write it down. see you guys around in winter most definitely, though.

do me a favour and listen to more metal in the meantime.

May 15, 2010

blindfolded and doomed... performed by seed of pain.

it is rainy outside, again. i'd much rather ride my bike than sitting in my chair in front of the computer all day, adding tons of subtitles to videos. but there's just no way i'm going out today. it's gloomy, it's cold, it's wet and it's just too uninviting. spring sucked ass so far, 'cause it's been like that most of the time. it's been like that for weeks.

anyways, it's one of these days you spend listening to music that fits the vibe of the weather, and so do i. some weeks ago i read a review for this seed of pain record and as far as i remember it was a 9 or even a 10 out of 10 rating. everything that has been said about the record sounded really attractive to me, so i thought i should give it a shot. i downloaded it and after i've been through the record for the first time i ordered the vinyl copy right away. this is one of those records that seem to be made for a listening experience through the good old vinyl anyways - this medium perfectly compliments the sound of the production and the vibe of the music.

"blindfolded and doomed" is a title that doesn't even make me think of what we used to understand as slavery. it only reminds me of the daily grind, everday life. you're getting born, you're getting taught, you're going to work all your life to make sure you're able to exist, you're getting more and more superficial, numb and dumb. you're getting old and then it's over.

alpha, the common run, omega. the unavoidable circle.
blindfolded and doomed.

there is barely any way out of that and that's depressing to some of us. if you want to be a fatalist about it, you will see the common ground between everyday life and slavery. and if you want to be a fatalist about literally everything, our species truly is blindfolded and doomed. i'm not sure if that's the intention and idea of the artist, but this is what comes to my mind about the title of this record. and to a certain degree it's my point of view, too.

the record starts off with quiet soundscapes and the poem "nur zwei dinge" by the controversial german poet gottfried benn on top. it mostly deals with the mentioned unavoidable common run. it deals with social constraints which result in emptyness and, as benn calls it, the "marked self". the track further evolves into an instrumental, utterly heavy and massive rock-driven wall of sound with some great synth-scapes. the track is definitely putting you in the right mood for what's about to come.

i'm not going to write too much about what's to come though, i just want to tease and force you to listen to this record by yourself. all in all "blindfolded and doomed" is constantly staggering between raw and new school hardcore punk, doomy and gloomy post hardcore in the vein of neurosis and a lot of ambience. seed of pain are perfectly managing to keep up the intensity through all of the different styles they touch. in most of the experimental sections of their songs they just sound as angry, disillusionized, depressed or pissed as in the more heavy and aggressive type of parts.

after starting off pretty mean and intense with "blind masses" and a lot of instrumental parts, interludes and experimental elements following close, another of my personal highlights on this record is coming up with the two title tracks. they sound totally different to each other, but both of them perfectly fit in the vibe of the record. but to me, the record reaches its final climax with the vinyl version's last song: "dependency". it's a pretty personal one and it deals with self-doubts and, for the most part, with not fitting in your sphere. this song is devastatingly heavy, intense and has a pretty depressive and gloomy vibe...and it finally leaves you off with the impression that there is no light at the end of the tunnel.

and that goes for the record as a whole. i don't really see any positivity or hope in this all. i am aware of the fact that negativity is the cool thing to do as a hardcore band at the moment, but this band is too unique to compare them to the stereotype hardcore outfits of today. "blindfolded and doomed" has a sound and vibe that doesn't date and surely doesn't go out of date. it takes time and effort to get into. seed of pain are not even trying to make you sing along or dance. this record is unique in a time that's dominated by faceless bands and a hipster scene. this band will never blow up, they'll never make it. seed of pain will always stick to a small and ambicious scene and this record is something i understand as hardcore. "blindfolded and doomed" seems to be an outlet created by and perfectly made for those individuals who are alienated by society and life of today.

get into it.

footnote: the cd-version contains three bonus tracks. two great remixes of the song "doomed" and the long drawn "10.10".

Apr 20, 2010


07/17/1966 - 04/19/2010

Mar 28, 2010

our so called god free youth...

this has been pissing me off quite a while, and i'm saying this being an atheist myself. and i'm saying this as somoeone who appreciates bands leveling thought-out criticism against organized religion, as long as it is at least slightly intelligent.

positive mental attitude in hardcore / punk music seemed to be a dying whore after a couple of really hyped up years. that brings ceremony's first european tour with bane and have heart in 2007 to my mind. barely anyone seemed to care about ceremony, because every single kid out there was waaay into shit like have heart (which sucked really bad live) and didn't seem to care about ceremony's angry and raw non-melodic and non-sing-a-long sound. but in the meantime a new wave of more gloomy, pissed and negative hardcore punk spread over from the usa and as always, the european scene was waiting for something new to suck all life and originality out of, haha. so guess what: next time ceremony came over everyone was all pumped to see them and all hell was breaking loose as soon as they were hitting the first chord up on stage. note: i don't really know how things are right now, but i think ceremony is one of those bands people declared as sellouts after not caring about them at first and singing along at their shows just a blink of an eye later.

anyways...through the last two years a shitload of bands were following into this "new" direction, musically and apparently idealistic, too. this new idealism brought atheism in hardcore punk back to the table again and kids were picking up on that. so basically most of the younger positive hardcore bands just disappeared or turned into something different, spreading their made up beliefs against the world, that surprisingly became a very bad and cruel place in the meantime, and especially against god and religion now.

this one band from germany especially caught my attention through their "god free youth"-patches. i still remember listening to the songs and reading through the lyrics of their early 2008 demo on myspace, which i didn't care for too much, since it exactly was that positive type of hardcore sound and spirit i barely cared about in general. not too mention that it has been a little too late for just another hardcore band with that certrain sound and message. anyways...that god free youth-slogan this band was promoting oh so forceful made me check out their myspace again. there was a new ep release up for streaming. their progress from a positive and melodic to a more emotionally raw and gloomy sound was no surprise to me and just the prototype of where hardcore bands were going lately. but they even had a song called "god free youth", so i was eager to read the lyrics. and i couldn't believe what i was reading, sharing is caring - enjoy the full lyrics for the whole song:

"speak to me! where's your fucking god? listen well: there's no loving lord!...."

WHAT THE FUCK??? was that all they had to say? is that their criticism against religion? is that the foundation for the slogan they are spreading every chance they seem to get, even on the merch they sell? come on?! oh, and not too mention the band's very own slogan:

save yourself /// see /// think /// act"

so...based on all that i am asking myself: is this song and its lyrics the act after seeing and thinking about a topic that turned into something that's important enough to them to spread it like fucking herpes in a teen summer camp? if so...all i'm gonna say is: wow, that sucks!

of course i heard more and more bands chanting similiar stupid and empty phrases of the same fashion in the meantime. and i'm sure that reading through their lyrics would make me hate most of them, if not all. if being anti-religious is the new cool thing to do i am fine with that. i wouldn't care or in some cases even appreciate it. but why the fuck are bands acting like fucking intellectuals while they're only slightly scratching the surface of a topic, that is so goddamn rich of content? the only answer to this seems to be that this is what it's all about: slogans and images. acting - yes - but even trying to see things clearly and thinking them through carefully and from more than a fucking rebellious teenager point of view? i don't think so.

most of these lyrics don't even seem to touch the point, that spirituality is not the fucking problem. there actually are a lot of people out there who believe in a god or what ever, without agreeing on a certrain religion, their rules and their claim to be the only true form of faith. most of these lyrics don't seem to touch anything but: your god sucks and doesn't exist, your beliefs are stupid. and still most of these bands see themselves as an intellectual group of people, full of awareness about the shit they write lyrics about. and this seriously pisses me off.

footnote: this topic is just too huge to talk it all over in just a post on a blog. but what i am trying to say in general is, that this fact alone makes it impossible to even act like you know shit. there are a lot of things to bring up against organized religion and as mentioned, i appreciate that if it's done in a thought-out way. i do not think that spirituality is something that should be damned without any further examnination with its cultural backgrounds and so on aaand sooo on [...]. i can only try to level criticism on organized religion in a little more thought-out way myself when getting into the topic - and i'm sure i fail at times. but what i won't do is shooting out stupid phrases and slogans. i hate bands that are building and blowing up an image, which isn't worth shit as long as there is nothing else behind that. if you label yourself, you better have something more to say about your label. otherwise...please just stop that shit!

Dec 29, 2009


it has been an awesome year. it's actually been the best year in my life. i've never been as free of worries as in 2009. not even the usual financial problems have been an issue this year...i just managed to get by with what i had. now money isn't everything, it's never been and it never will be.

so we are all trying to find happiness and satisfaction in our lives and most of us are looking for that certain happiness in..?! some would literally run headfirst through the next wall, just to find someone to fall in love with. next thing they know is they are just as unhappy as before, after realizing - in one way or another - that their attempt to find all the answers on life in someone else isn't really doing it. most people get through this stuff all their lives, so there's nothing new in what i say, right?

well...after reaching rock bottom (in a free of any negative or positive evaluation-sense) some years ago, i learned some of the most important lessons in life:

the essential dose of basic satisfaction in your life shouldn't be dependent from an other person. no love will just save your soul. it just won't happen! you will find yourself at the same point over and over again if you're just always seeking some sort of rescue and all your answers in love, before you even found your very own and independent personal balance. what i don't want to say is, that love isn't a great thing. i believe there is true love, hidden between all the hookers and hustlers out there, haha. just do yourself a favour and find out who you are first, find out what's important to you, find out how to be satisfied with what you got as an independent person...before you try to find all your answers through someone else.

once you reached that point life is going to be easier. well, at least that's what i experienced. i'm still a negative and misanthropic jerk, hahaha...but hands down, i'm satisfied with my life. and nope, it doesn't have to be a contradiction. i don't mind being alone, i just found my balance...i guess i found out who i am and what's important to me. i'm getting pissed as soon as i have to face those crowds out there, but hell...who the fuck cares?! in the end it doesn't even matter. positively negative...that's how i roll, assholes. ;)

have a happy new year! 2010 is going to be even more of a killer year...easy!


Dec 23, 2009

do i whish everyone a merry christmas?

see this pie chart for the answer to that question:

Dec 15, 2009

another day in hell: new year's eve.

it was on new year's eve '05 to '06. i met a couple of friends at a shitty club to celebrate into the new year and a buddy of mine was one of the dj's. so there we were, the music was party-friendly, people where dancing and i was hanging out in a chair, staring at them. out of boredom i picked a few of them and literally studied their body language and facial expressions. i don't know what it was, but i felt some kind of disgust. half an hour after midnight i was so annoyed by the whole thing that i called a cab and went home to hang out there and listen to some negative tunes, haha.

that night kind of paved the way for the future. i really started to dislike new year's eve and the usual stuff people do to celebrate it. so...despite the fact, that i spent the new year's eve '06 to '07 with my ex girl, i spent all the others at home. once with my best buddy mario, but last year even all alone. and i didn't mind to do that. and i tell you this: i'd much rather spend that night at home alone over and over again, than to go somewhere else. i'm pretty comfy here and i don't think i will miss anything special. i'm down with hanging out with other people of course, but the usual bullshit party-attempt isn't doing it to me.

in the end it's always the same shit anyways, it literally is the same procedure as every year: people are either getting wasted on private parties or in clubs and i'm just bored watching them acting like retards. families are burning their children-friendly small ass fireworks in front of their houses for a few oh so exciting minutes and retarded youngsters are throwing firecrackers at other people out in the streets. and every time it happens to me, i just want to kick their fucking heads in and stuff all their firecrackers in their stupid little mouths, haha.

if there is anything else, anything really special i'm missing, feel free to drop me a line or even invite me. well...i don't think so. i will end up hanging out at home with a buddy or even alone again and i really don't mind. i will have some sushi most likely, listen to some black metal tunes while watching the big fireworks from the 17th floor at midnight and watch a good movie afterwards...with other words: i will most definately have a good fucking time. without being a part of all the stereotype bullshit people do to have some fun.

footnote: i'm not trying to be extraordinary here, don't get me wrong. i don't care about what you do on new year's fucking happy party eve, i'm just not into that stuff. oh, and in general i'm just really serious. i hate having fun!!! just like this guy:


Dec 10, 2009

war from a harlots mouth - pentagon.3

i just wanted to share this with you, since it's a japan only release, so you can't even buy it if you wanted to, haha! not even on itunes. but sharing is caring, you all know that.

01. spineless
02. uptown girl 2009

those two songs are taken from a split cd / compilation thing with the acacia strain, this or the apocalypse, fact and agressive dogs / uzi-one. i don't even own an original copy of the cd at the moment, unfortunately.

the two songs have been recorded at some time in summer 2009. while "spineless" is a brand new track and might be a good idea of the direction the band is taking in the future, "uptown girl 2009" is a slightly re-arranged version of the classic track.

enjoy's a nice little thing to add to your collection and you won't get it anywhere else than here...or in japan. but hey...feel free to go there and buy it in a store.