iHateBlog

2009

2009-12-29T01:20:00.008+01:00

it has been an awesome year. it's actually been the best year in my life. i've never been as free of worries as in 2009. not even the usual financial problems have been an issue this year...i just managed to get by with what i had. now money isn't everything, it's never been and it never will be.

so we are all trying to find happiness and satisfaction in our lives and most of us are looking for that certain happiness in..? exactly...love! some would literally run headfirst through the next wall, just to find someone to fall in love with. next thing they know is they are just as unhappy as before, after realizing - in one way or another - that their attempt to find all the answers on life in someone else isn't really doing it. most people get through this stuff all their lives, so there's nothing new in what i say, right?

well...after reaching rock bottom (in a free of any negative or positive evaluation-sense) some years ago, i learned some of the most important lessons in life:

the essential dose of basic satisfaction in your life shouldn't be dependent from an other person. no love will just save your soul. it just won't happen! you will find yourself at the same point over and over again if you're just always seeking some sort of rescue and all your answers in love, before you even found your very own and independent personal balance. what i don't want to say is, that love isn't a great thing. i believe there is true love, hidden between all the hookers and hustlers out there, haha. just do yourself a favour and find out who you are first, find out what's important to you, find out how to be satisfied with what you got as an independent person...before you try to find all your answers through someone else.

once you reached that point life is going to be easier. well, at least that's what i experienced. i'm still a negative and misanthropic jerk, hahaha...but hands down, i'm satisfied with my life. and nope, it doesn't have to be a contradiction. i don't mind being alone, i just found my balance...i guess i found out who i am and what's important to me. i'm getting pissed as soon as i have to face those crowds out there, but hell...who the fuck cares?! in the end it doesn't even matter. positively negative...that's how i roll, assholes. ;)

have a happy new year! 2010 is going to be even more of a killer year...easy!

peace.

do i whish everyone a merry christmas?

2009-12-23T11:45:00.005+01:00

see this pie chart for the answer to that question:

another day in hell: new years eve.

2009-12-15T18:53:00.007+01:00

it was on new years eve '05 to '06. i met a couple of friends at a shitty club to celebrate into the new year and a buddy of mine was one of the dj's. so there we were, the music was party-friendly, people where dancing and i was hanging out in a chair, staring at them. out of boredom i picked a few of them and literally studied their body language and facial expressions. i don't know what it was, but i felt some kind of disgust. half an hour after midnight i was so annoyed by the whole thing that i called a cab and went home to hang out there and listen to some negative tunes, haha.

that night kind of paved the way for the future. i really started to dislike new years eve and the usual stuff people do to celebrate it. so...despite the fact, that i spent the new years eve '06 to '07 with my ex girl, i spent all the others at home. once with my best buddy mario, but last year even all alone. and i didn't mind to do that. and i tell you this: i'd much rather spend that night at home alone over and over again, than to go somewhere else. i'm pretty comfy here and i don't think i will miss anything special. i'm down with hanging out with other people of course, but the usual bullshit party-attempt isn't doing it to me.

in the end it's always the same shit anyways, it literally is the same procedure as every year: people are either getting wasted on private parties or in clubs and i'm just bored watching them acting like retards. families are burning their children-friendly small ass fireworks in front of their houses for a few oh so exciting minutes and retarded youngsters are throwing firecrackers at other people out in the streets. and every time it happens to me, i just want to kick their fucking heads in and stuff all their firecrackers in their stupid little mouths, haha.

if there is anything else, anything really special i'm missing, feel free to drop me a line or even invite me. well...i don't think so. i will end up hanging out at home with a buddy or even alone again and i really don't mind. i will have some sushi most likely, listen to some black metal tunes while watching the big fireworks from the 17th floor at midnight and watch a good movie afterwards...with other words: i will most definately have a good fucking time. without being a part of all the stereotype bullshit people do to have some fun.

footnote: i'm not trying to be extraordinary here, don't get me wrong. i don't care about what you do on new years fucking happy party eve, i'm just not into that stuff. oh, and in general i'm just really serious. i hate having fun!!! just like this guy:

;)

war from a harlots mouth - pentagon.3

2009-12-10T13:19:00.012+01:00

i just wanted to share this with you, since it's a japan only release, so you can't even buy it if you wanted to, haha! not even on itunes. but sharing is caring, you all know that.

01. spineless
02. uptown girl 2009

mediafire.com/?zngmndivgzm

those two songs are taken from a split cd / compilation thing with the acacia strain, this or the apocalypse, fact and agressive dogs / uzi-one. i don't even own an original copy of the cd at the moment, unfortunately.

the two songs have been recorded at some time in summer 2009. while "spineless" is a brand new track and might be a good idea of the direction the band is taking in the future, "uptown girl 2009" is a slightly re-arranged version of the classic track.

enjoy it...it's a nice little thing to add to your collection and you won't get it anywhere else than here...or in japan. but hey...feel free to go there and buy it in a store.

no one deserves to be here more than me...

2009-12-04T00:28:00.008+01:00

...by blacklisted.

for me, this has been the most anticipated album to come out in 2009. their previous release, entitled "heavier than heaven, lonelier than god", was a huge progression to their sound and some kind of a hardcore masterpiece (my personal record of the year 2008 as well). the final track "wish" was something nobody expected from a band like blacklisted and it easily became one of my most favourite songs of all time.

rumours about the release of a new record have been going around the internet for quite a while now, but the band didn't announce anything but "new record out in november" in their myspace headline. no promotion, no infos or pre-order deals, nothing. and then, literally out of nowhere, they announced its instant release on nov 31st in buelltins on various communities. it's a vinyl only release, and you can't get it anywhere else than in the deathwish estore or on a blacklisted show.

four days after its official release, "no one deserves to be here more than me" got leaked and appeared on some blogspots. my order had been shipped already, but the way to germany isn't the shortest and i just couldn't wait to give it a listen, so i downloaded it.

the first run through "no one deserves..." was a strange, but intense and thrilling one. there is literally no hardcore at all on that record. ok, wait...at least for the generic hardcore kid. blacklisted are going for a very experimental and rock-driven sound and george is singing more than ever. he is barely doing anything else but singing. the first song also features the use of violins already. those violins tend to play disharmonic lines through the progress of the song and record, which pushes the experimental sound even further. with "the p.i.g. (the problem is g.)" the album also features an acoustic track with clean vocals, a little dissonant at times. at this point the record already unfolded it's gloomy spirit, it really gets you after a few spins. the few heavier tracks are pretty cool, but they still include all kinds of strange sounds, weird guitar leads, a lot of feedback and what not. i wish there would have been even more trumpets through the record, but the only real obvious track featuring them is an interlude. the last song is featuring female guest vocals by melissa farley and it's pretty damn intense and gloomy.

i've been listening to that record for a couple of times in a row now and it totally hit me. i also put it on my ipod and listened to it on my way to a rehearsal. it definately got some amazing hooklines and i think it's an overall awesome hardcore punk record, that pushes the borders of what that genre stands for. there always have been bands that did it that way. think of how black flag progressed and especially refused's "the shape of punk to come". hardcore punk wouldn't be what it is today if there weren't bands that redefined the genre with albums blowing the boundaries of its certain style.

nonetheless the generic hardcore kid already started to cry all over the internet about how much he hated that new blacklisted record. i didn't expect anything else. i dropped the band a line, telling them about that and that's their answer:

>>yeah well, we knew 2 things would happen: people were either gonna hate it or really really love it. oh well...we do what we do. can't please all the people all the time.<<

and i totally agree. if you want to be a free artist, you should not limit your creativity for what the people want from you. that's bullshit and it's especially not the original idea of what that genre stands for. i totally see the mentioned generic hardcore kid of today-character sitting in front of his computer with no understanding for what blacklisted is doing on "no one deserves...". >>that's not hardcore<< or >>worst album ever!<< or one of my favourites: >>new record is god awful. what's up with those interludes?<< are things you can read on different blogspots or last.fm. those goddamn morons do not understand a thing.

let me end this with a fact: on "no one deserves to be here more than me" blacklisted are more hardcore than most bands out there. in their music there is a lotta more hardcore attitude than in anything else that's floating around under that banner. so if you can't take off your blinders you should propably put your emmure b-ball shorts back on and mosh the hell out of your children's room, listening to some br00tal breakdowns. if that's the real deal to you...

home ain't never home...

2009-11-30T02:16:00.011+01:00

i'm wanderin' these streets alone
they don't feel like home
this once hallowed ground
feels like a ghost town now

i'm on the street corners every day
and at night i dream it all away
that place too full of life
might be the death of me

ain't no one in this city
will take a chance on me
i'm just wearin' thin
and that's all i see

you keep readin' your prayers
but i find nothin' there
that makes any sense to me
your god is no more than a thief

i'm gonna pack up
i'm gonna leave town
i'm gonna get out
i'm gonna leave

no guilt and no shame
just pride and a name

footnote: this is my variation of the lyrics for defeater's "home ain't never home". the original lyrics didn't fit my feelings towards the place where i live perfectly, but the overall message of the song just really works for me. the day will come...

another day in hell: christmas.

2009-11-24T01:00:00.016+01:00

well...this is the first part of my regular column under the banner another day in hell, taken out of my boring everyday life. i was looking for some phrase that would fit this column in general and i finally came up with that idea (thank you phil collins), and it's sooo universal. ;) anways...here we go:

it isn't even december and the first christmas fairs are opening up. today one of them started its business behind my house, at the shopping centre i always go to to buy food. as soon as i leave my house i smell the cotton candy in the air and i hear kids screaming in carousels. this year the whole fair is even bigger than through the last couple of years, so half of the sidewalk all along the street is now covered by small shacks, which sell sweets, painted portraits and various bullshit i do not need. it's getting earlier and earlier with every year and i can't stand it at all.

christmas in general is something that's pretty annoying to me...what a surprise! several people expect you to participate at certain events and meetings, first and foremost your family. a lot of these people, apart from the few close folks, don't give a shit about you most of the year - and so do you. you never call them, they never call you, but now it's christmas and your relationship to them suddenly seems to become really important, for a limited time though. i do understand that christmas is something important to some people, because of their fantastic believes and sci-fi religion (no offense, haha), but a lot of people are atheists nowadays, just like me, and they still celebrate christmas extensively. where's the point in celebrating christmas as what it is, if you're not believing in what it's coming from?

i guess there's a simple answer to that question: to blow up money! to spend $! to burn some cash! to stimulate the economy! as for doing that, i will surely refuse to participate.

footnote: two days after i posted this i had to cross the mentioned christmas fair and i was about to explode. i don't mind which of your sci-fi gods may exist, but i'm begging to you - start to pray for the extinction of mankind! most of us are brain-dead anyways. unplug us already!!!

the music i love, and how trivial it became...

2009-11-20T16:36:00.011+01:00

so this is something that keeps bothering me, mostly as a dedicated fan of music and as a dedicated musician as well.

i grew up listening to music all the time, it became something i really cared about from a really young age, so as a teenager, ten years ago, i decided i want to play music on my own. that's how i got into playing the guitar.

my dedication for music just grew on and on and with listening to more and more extreme music i became even more open minded for everything else. but anyways...i ended up being some kind of a hardcore kid, since the music and most of the values and contents of that music and scene were something i felt an affinity for. and, to me, that's still one of the key aspects of the hardcore / punk community: alternative lifestyles such as the straight edge movement, political awareness, or - at least - an interest in what is going on in today's world and, of course, the emotionally charged and powerful music.

back in the days, when i got into the music and its scene, it was some kind of refuge from daily routine to me. a place with like-minded people, a place far away from the assholes you had to deal with everyday...in school or at work, where ever. of course, as in every scene and community, there were people who didn't really welcome the new kids, which pissed me off back then. but i think i have an understanding for that today. the more i grew into the whole thing and the more it meant to me, the more i wanted it to stay as it was, since it was so comfy. i never wanted to be one of the bitter and old hardcore kids, but it's hard, haha...

hardcore and extreme music in general became more open to the masses through the last couple of years. and that's what that scene, that used to be a subculture, has to deal with now. this music and all its ideas and contents have been stormed by shitloads of kids that didn't care for anything else than superficial aspects of that music, may it be br00tal breakdowns or really cool tattos. so if your band fulfills those two things, you might be the next big thing! the quality of the music itself became less and less relevant to the youngsters, as long as a band fits the clichés they are looking for.

this has always been an issue with pop music. the stereotype radio listener doesn't care what a song is about as long as he or she is into the melodies, the style or what ever. or as long as mass media tells them that it's cool. that's alright to a certain degree, but this kind of dealing with music is a problem to me, when it comes to music that actually has something more to say and that i care about as much as i do. i can't expect everyone to feel about this like i do, i'm aware of that. but as a musician with a dedication about the music and lyrical contents it's tough to accept, that some kids don't even care about anything i put into this with dedication. when all they do is waiting for a machine gun breakdown, i realize there is nothing we have in common.

so that's the point, i guess. it's that cycle that begins with my dedication and ends with a bunch of mindless, uninterested kids, which are a part of the scene i found to live up my dedication in. the only hope that's left is, that the masses will move on to the next "scene" and suck all the life out of that, just like a plague of locusts. i hope the kids that really care, the kids with a deeper interest in the music and its contents will stay with the scene and make it what it used to be: a refuge from daily routine. a place with like-minded people, a place far away from the assholes you have to deal with everyday.

footnote: this deals with hardcore and the scene mainly, but i wanna clear up that i think that everyone should be open minded for various styles of music. a lot of people that belong to a scene really have to take off their blinders and stop to be of the opinion, that everything they don't like sucks. grow up, people! it's not all black and white...

welcome, fuckers!

2009-11-20T00:54:00.012+01:00

in this blog i will be sharing thoughts about everyday life and thougts about things, you most likely don't give a damn about. everything that comes to my mind and everything i don't want to bother people with, when we hang out...you'll find it here.

i also want to talk about music, write reviews, and what ever. there might be a regular column under some banner, we will see. i just need to write, so that's how i roll. take it, or leave it.